Have you ever lost someone to suicide?

Hello everyone, I am writing this post because of something that has recently happened to affect Kristina and myself. Most of our posts are funny because we love life and enjoy funny moments and frankly we are both very easily entertained. However even we have bad moments.  

Today is September 11th and it's been 10 years since that horrible day. I won’t go into details because Kristina did an amazing post on it below this. Please check it out. I do want to say to all of you who have suffered and lost during this time that my prayers are with you and God Bless.

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We talk a lot about beliefs in our website here and Kristina has even written about her sacred place. I have yet to do that mostly because I haven’t felt compelled to do yet. However on a short notice about me, I grew up always being told about sin and what God wanted me to do. I have a very religious grandpa who loved God and would send me bibles and movies and take me to church when he came to visit. When I was in my 20’s I started going to a Baptist church and then a Nazarene. I have had a lot of tragic things happen in my life such as losing my brother to an accidental drug overdose in 2004. With in the next couple years I really started to search for what I truly believed in and what I was drawn to. I will get into all that much later but for tonight I will just say that I do believe in God. I believe that everyone has the right to believe what they chose without being judged for it. I believe that God can be for us whatever we need at that moment such as a heavenly father or a goddess mother, maybe even a carpenter son.

I believe that God is good and not judgmental as most people are. This is what brings me to my next topic.

RIP Eric We love you

I have lost people in my life as I said before. I have lost my brother when he was 25 years old. Most of my grandparents are gone and my husband mother/grandmother who was one of the strongest people I have ever known is now gone to. My first death experience was when I was 16 and a girl I went to high school with died in a car accident. It hasn’t seem to stop since then as least 20 other people I went to high school with have passed away. Now remember I am only 31 so it’s not like these people were old.  It’s been one thing after another from car accidents, to heart attacks, hunting accidents, and so on. It is always hard to go through all that. I thought I could handle almost anything and then on Friday as I was doing my day job and Kristina was checking her email and face book she came a crossed a message from someone we went to high school stating that Eric Lee Olney had passed away. To many of you this name might not mean anything but to me it meant everything. Eric was someone I met in my sophomore year of high school. He was new to our small town and didn’t know anyone. Due to my schedule being messed up by a dumb ass counselor I had to change classes a lot over the first week of school. Long story short on the first day Eric and I had math together and by Friday we 5 out of 7 classes together. I later found out that Eric thought I was stalking him and was a little scared. I hadn’t even talked to him except to say hi, then one day during science I was sitting at my desk which of course was right next to his and I was bored so I was shuffling my pen around in my fingers when it flew out and almost hit him in the head. His head popped up so fast and he looked at me very seriously and said “That could have been my eyeball” I laughed so hard and we became instant friend. With in day we were like best friends and then he met Kristina and they started dating. She liked him so much and she would say corny things like “he is the Olney one for me” Sadly they only dated for about 2 weeks and then he broke her poor heart, but with Eric you couldn’t stay mad at him long. We stayed friends for years and went to dances together, football games and eventually after high school we moved in together. Nothing romantic just as roommates, and friends. We lived together for over a year and then he got a different place because I was going to marry my sexy man. We stayed friends for a long time and then eventually we drifted apart. Then a few years ago I found him on MySpace and it was like we were never apart. He lived far away and I didn’t see him often but I never forgot him.

To receive that news on Friday made my world stop, because he couldn’t be gone, not Eric. It took Kristina and I a lot of research and for me to call him grandma before I was finally was able to get a hold of his sister Katie. She told me that it was true and Eric was gone, that he had taken his own life on Wednesday night and none of us had any idea it was coming. He didn’t tell anyone or seem depressed and he always just seemed like Eric. I have had so many emotions since this happened. I am sad and feel horrible because he sent me a message Wednesday morning and I didn’t get back to him. I am so mad that he thought this was the way to deal with his problems. I am sick to my stomach knowing how he did it and that his dad had to find him. Most of all I am sad and heart broken that I will never get to talk to him again, and that his daughters have to grow up without him.

It hurts and I want to wake up from this horrible dream.

I am opening a village dedicated to helping people cope with losing a loved one. It will be called His name was Eric.

Thank you all for taking the time to read this post and as always

Blessed be

Lots of love

Amanda

The word Bunghole is written on his crown. That was his nick name.

This was for Halloween I swear